Gross Food Stories

I recently bought a pack of my favorite crunchy corn snack. (I won’t mention the brand for security reasons.) One day, as I was munching my favorite snack, my teeth felt that something very hard was among the pieces that I gobbled up. I thought that it was just an uncook corn kernel. So, I just tried to chew it hard using my molars, but it was too hard. I gave up, and I suspected that something was wrong. Then, I spit the little crap out, and I was shocked with what I’ve seen. It was a pebble. For how many years of munching that snack, it was my first time to experience such unpleasant situation. Thanks God that I was chewing my food properly; otherwise, I would have swallowed that pebble. So, beware of your snacks. Here is another gross story: My friends and I usually have lunch at our school’s canteen. One day, when we were having lunch together, my friend decided to have vegetables for lunch. While we were eating, I noticed that some of the leaves in my friend’s dish had holes in it. I was becoming quite suspicious, but I didn’t bother to tell my friend because I thought that the canteen might have cleaned it well. So, I thought that it would be no reason for alarm. Then, I saw something on my friend’s dish that was really gross. It was a worm. That was the sort of worm that you would find of fruits and vegetables. The small, white and squishy one, that’s it. I don’t know if it was part of the dish. Well, I don’t think so. It was awful. However, I didn’t tell my friend about it because we were already done eating it when I saw the little worm, and I didn’t want to be the cause of any scandal. At least, my friend didn’t accidentally eat it. With the commercialization thing and all, the canteen might have bought some cheap and putrid (not necessarily rejected) vegetables off the market. I was wondering if that was the only worm in that dish, or did my friend already eat some of them?So, beware of what you are eating. Someday, you may find strands of hair, a piece of nail, or even sweat on yours. Imagine what those people are doing to your food before it gets to your hands.

Messages Received

Do not live for the expectations of people around you. Live for yourself, for your dreams. I you messed up, so what? A life without mistake is a crap…

If you come across something good, you should hold on until it’s time to let go. Life offers you a thousand chances; all you have to do is take one.

Learn what you can from whoever you can. Everyone knows something. A lot of people never know when to shut up. They think they have all the answers, when the truth is, there is always someone who can teach them something new.

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Don’t be afraid to love. If it hurts, love some more. If it still hurts, love some more. Because according to Mother Teresa, “Love until it hurts no more.”

Intelligence can bring you to success, but it’s your attitude that keeps you there. Remember: “Grades don’t define a person. Attitude does.”

A thought for today: “We can’t make all people understand us. We just have to accept that having the opportunity to speak doesn’t always give us the privilege to be understood.”

I may never have expressed, shown or told you how much I care for you or even make you realize how much I value even the smallest things you do. Let my silence say it all.

We may go separate ways, live different lives, might have different interests, do different things, believe in different aspects… but for as long as we believe we’re friends, we’ll forever be.

Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul, breaks our heart to make us whole, sends us pain so we can be stronger, sends us failure so we can be humble, sends us illness so we can take better care of ourselves, and takes everything away from us so we can learn the values of everything we have.

Everyday, a deer awakens knowing it must outrun the fastest lion or be hunted to death. Everyday too, a lion awakens knowing it must outrun the slowest dear or starve to death. In this lifetime, it does not matter whether you are a deer or a lion. When the sun arises, you should be running at your best.

You need to feel a bit deprived at times, a bit lonely, and in a way, incomplete… because if you’ve got everything here on earth, would you still look up to heaven?

I love it when people are wrong about me… and the truth just explodes on their faces.

(DISCLAIMER: I received the quotes above through text messaging. They are the property of their respective authors. If you created any of these quotations/messages, please feel free to contact me for your due acknowledgement.)

Mr. Know-It-All

thinks that he's the king
claims that he knows everything
keeps on boasting
but he's actually just a piece of crap
wants to make things go his way
establishes a conspiracy
believes that he's the best
brags that everything he has done can atest
putting on that awkward look
assumes that he's the celebrity
refuses to accept defeat
refuses to accept that someone is better

(...TO BE CONTINUED...)

People I Hate

...this is what i wanna say to you:
there are things that are better left unsaid, but these aren't the ones.
burn in hell.
you can't accept that i'm better than you.
you can't accept the fact i'm gifted.
you keep weaving lies just to get the affection of others.
but i see through all that superficiality.
you think you know it all, but you have a lot to learn.
so, shut up!
the more you hate me, the more i wanna make you hate me.

(...TO BE CONTINUED...)

Feeling Horrible

something isn't right today.
i feel horrible.
things aren't going as planned.
i needed a sign, and it led me to choices that left other people disappointed.
aside from that, i am afraid that all my efforts and sacrifices will be put to waste.
i feel like i'm approaching the end of a tunnel, but when i was already seeing the light, i just got lost.
so much for wrong moves...

If Life Is So Short

Isn't it funny how time seems to slip away so fast
One minute you're happy, the other you're sad
But if you give me one more chance
To show my love for you is true
I'll stand by your side your whole life through

[Chorus:]
If life is so short
Why don't you let me love you
Before we run out of time If love is so strong
Why won't you take the chance
Before our time has gone
If life is so short, if life is so short, if life is so short

Love is a word that explains how I feel for you
And when you're in my arms, all my dreams come true
And when you're not around
You can't hardly see
These tears that I'm crying now are for you to be with me
[Chorus]

=======================end of lyrics=======================
GLENN'S COMMENTS:
do you remember this song??? yah, you're right. this one is by The Moffatts. it's some ancient band... haha, anyway, i was just recently re-introduced to this song. this might be a good graduation song, although it sounds like for someone who died. what the heck...

Gloomy Person

please go away
you bore my day
stop being so weary
stop dwelling in your stupid self pity

my day is already a mess
you're making it worse with your sadness
if you like that gloomy stance
then don't bother me and keep distance

your face is about to break into tears
being so dreary that nobody cares
my day is ruined coz it's contagious
you look insane and outrageous

you're a carrier of the sadness virus
it's scary, so keep away from us

Butter VS. Margarine

"Pass The Butter."
This is interesting . . .

Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys.

When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the
research
wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do
with this product to get their money back.

It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow
coloring and sold it to people to use in place of butter.

How do you like it?

They have come out with some clever new flavorings.

DO YOU KNOW...the difference between margarine and butter?

Read on to the end...gets very interesting!

Both have the same amount of calories.

Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams compared to 5 grams.

Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the
same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study.

Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other
foods.

Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few only because
they are added!

Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors of
other foods.

Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for
less than 100 years.

And now, for Margarine...

Very high in transfatty acids.

Triple risk of coronary heart disease.

Increases total cholesterol and LDL(this is the bad cholesterol) and lowers
HDLcholesterol, (the good cholesterol)

Increases the risk of cancers up to five fold.

Lowers quality of breast milk.

Decreases immune response.

Decreases insulin response.

And here's the most disturbing fact....

HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING!

Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC...

This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and
anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing
the molecular structure of the substance).

You can try this yourself:

Purchase a tub of margarine and leave it in your garage or shaded area.

Within a couple of days you will note a couple of things:

* No flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should
tell you something)

* It does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value

*Nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weenie microorganisms will not a
find a home to grow.

Why?

Because it is nearly plastic.

*Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?

Chinese Proverb:

"When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from
it, You have a moral obligation to share it with others."

People don't care how much you know...Until they know how much you care !

=========
*SOURCE:
This is "again" a chain mail that originated from: connie uera
Who the hell is this person? I really don't know, but the information listed here is very convincing.
This is really freaky. Is this true???

Liver Damage Causes

The main causes of liver damage are:

1. Sleeping too late and waking up too late are main cause.
2. Not urinating in the morning.
3. Too much eating.
4. Skipping breakfast.
5. Consuming too much medication.
6. Consuming too much preservatives, additives, food coloring, and artificial sweetener.
7. Consuming unhealthy cooking oil. As much a possible reduce cooking oil use when frying, which includes even the best cooking oils like olive oil. Do not consume fried foods when you are tired, except if the body is very fit.
8. Consuming raw (overly done) foods also add to the burden of liver.
Veggies should be eaten raw or cooked 3-5 parts.
Fried veggies should be finished in one sitting, do not store.
We should prevent this without necessarily spending more. We just have to adopt a good daily lifestyle and eating habits. Maintaining good eating habits and time condition are very important for our bodies to absorb and get rid of unnecessary chemicals according to "schedule."

Because:

Evening at 9 - 11pm : is the time for eliminating unnecessary/ toxic chemicals (detoxification) from the antibody system (lymph nodes).This time duration should be spent by relaxing or listening to music. If during this time a housewife is still in an unrelaxed state such as washing the dishes or monitoring children doing their homework, this will have a negative impact on health.

Evening at 11pm - 1am : is the detoxification process in the liver, and ideally should be done in a deep sleep state.

Early morning 1 - 3am : detoxification process in the gall, also ideally done in a deep sleep state.

Early morning 3 - 5am : detoxification in the lungs. Therefore there will sometimes be a severe cough for cough sufferers during this time. Since the detoxification process had reached the respiratory tract, there is no need to take cough medicine so as not to interfere with toxin removal process.

Morning 5 - 7am : detoxification in the colon, you should empty your bowel.

Morning 7 - 9am : absorption of nutrients in the small
intestine, you should be having breakfast at this time. Breakfast should be earlier, before 6:30am , for those who are sick. Breakfast before 7:30am is very beneficial to those wanting to stay fit. Those who always skip breakfast, they should change their habits, and it is still better to eat breakfast late until 9 - 10am rather than no meal at all.

Sleeping so late and waking up too late will disrupt the process of removing unnecessary chemicals. Aside from that, midnight to 4:00 am is the time when the bone marrow produces blood. Therefore, have a good sleep and don't sleep late.

=========
*SOURCE:
A chain mail that originated from: connie uera
Who the hell is this person? I really don't know, but the information listed here is very convincing, and scary.

Brain Damaging Habits

TOP 10 BIGGEST BRAIN DAMAGING HABITS:

1. No Breakfast
People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level.
This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.

2. Overeating
It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.

3. Smoking
It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.

4. High Sugar consumption
Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain
development.

5. Air Pollution
The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body.
Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency.

6. Sleep Deprivation
Sleep allows our brain to rest. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.

7. Head covered while sleeping
Sleeping with the head covered, increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects.

8. Working your brain during illness
Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain.

9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts
Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.

10. Talking Rarely
Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain.

=========
*SOURCE:
A chain mail that originated from: connie uera
Who the hell is this person? I really don't know, but the information listed here is very convincing.

Don'ts to Remember

don't wait for time. make it.
don't wait for love. feel it.
don't wait for money. earn it.
don't wait for the path. find it.
don't wait for opportunity. create it.
don't go for less. get the best.
don't compare. be unique.
don't avoid failure. use it.
don't dwell on mistakes. learn from them.
don't back down. go around.
don't close your eyes. open your mind.
don't run from life. embrace and enjoy it.
don't just read this. share it.

(*SOURCE: My Friend's Text Message)

Big Movies in 2008

it's been like eons ago since the last time i've blogged. but now i am back. i've been really busy satisfying my graduation requirements...
anyway, these past few days, i've noticed that there has been several nice movies that are currently showing and still a lot to come this year. so, i tried to search some trailers on the internet to get an overview of the movies. below are some the ones that i got to see so far:

10,000 BC
- it is about prehistoric humans and animals, duh, that's why it's called 10000 BC, stupid!! moreover, some commented that it was historically incorrect, but it doesn't concern me coz its just fiction anyway. the special effects, most especially the mammoths, were very convincing. i liked the scene where one person got stepped on by mammoth.

iron man
- a live action version of the popular marvel comics and cartoon series. i enjoyed watching the cartoon series when i was a kid, and now i am quite ecstatic to see how the storyline was depicted. the armor was quite cool. the part where iron man was flying with the jets kinda reminded me of a japanese live action series, such as ultra man...haha

meet the spartans
- tagline "big epic comedy." this is a spoof of the movie 300. it has the spartans dancing ala "you got served", and also spoofed scenes from happy feet and britney's head-shaving controversy. it's such a big laugh generally.

shutter
- just a remake of the asian movie of the same title. nothing much to say.

the eye
- i'll watch this movie just for jessica alba. hehe, anyway, this is just another remake of the asian movie with the same title. i've watched the original version, and it was kinda ok. i wanna see how jessica alba gave justice to this film.

untraceable
- this is the movie that i would really recommend to watch. the story goes like this, FBI got a tip that a website displays a streaming video containing a man that is slowly being killed by injecting poison to him. the poison-injecting mechanism is connected to a box that controls the flow of the fluid to the victim's body. here's the twist: the more people watching the live-streaming video, the faster the person dies coz the box that i mentioned earlier counts the number of people viewing the website, and thus increasing the pressure on the poison. all of this is happening as the people are curiously viewing the agonizing man. you may ask why it is titled "untraceable?" this is because the FBI/NBI could not trace the source of the stream. what a "creative" title...

Things You've Never Done, but Should

17 Things You've Probably Never Done, but Should:

1. Approach and engage a pretty girl in conversation with no prompting from anyone. She might not want to talk. She might even tell you to go jerk yourself a soda. But she might not.

2. Be debt-free. Compounding interest is like a sorority girl on Ecstasy. She'll go both ways, but you get a hell of a lot more out of it when she's going your way.

3. Try the sport that you ridicule most. Golfers and skateboarders wouldn't be so friggin' smug if they knew how difficult the other guy's favorite activity really is.

4. Finish something early.

5. Let someone else brag about that cool thing you did.

6. How 'bout a mercy flush?

7. Disagree with the person you fear most.

8. Read a novel with more than 300 pages, written before 1950, set somewhere other than the United States.

9. Eat brussels sprouts. To make it easier, pretend a gun is pointed at your temple and you have a choice: Take them orally or another way.

10. You think you're tough? Say exactly what's on your mind when you're at your most vulnerable. We'll see how tough you are.

11. Say "Cool tat" the next time you see intricate tribal art on the small of a woman's back. She knows what you're really saying, but verbal subtleties like this can mean the difference between receiving an amused smile and waking up in the ICU wearing a diaper packed with ice.

12. Embrace the male carpe diem death cliché. You will die, friend, and dozens of bungee-jumping, skydiving, scuba diving, rock-climbing, boxing, surfing, and motocross outfits are depending on your "holy crap" realization of mortality to make a living. Why wait? Fix your roof when it's sunny.

13. Leave work early for a midweek afternoon ball game. Tell no one. Go alone. Strive to notice the subtleties TV doesn't show: the third baseman cheating a step before the pitch; where the center fielder sets up; whether that sweet creature two rows over really likes baseball or is just there for her boyfriend. Toss the ticket stub on the way out; you were never there. We guarantee you'll remember this game longer than if you got permission from the wife and went with five buddies.

14. Go a week without quoting anyone. When you consider movies, late-night monologues, sportscasters, bosses, wives, kids, founding fathers, regular fathers, Shake-speare, philosophers, and Homer Simpson, this suddenly becomes a lot harder than you thought, huh?

15. Pursue a woman not because she's so hot but because she's so cool.

16. Buy a stock based on research you did all by yourself, from scratch. Restaurant crowds won't fall silent when you speak, but nailing a six-bagger on your own beats Maria Bartiromo's sloppy seconds any trading day.

17. Ask questions first. Save your bullets for later.

(*SOURCE: Mike Zimmerman, Men's Health Magazine)

I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
i love peaceful melody
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i'ma saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
this is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family (2nd time: A lá happy family; 3rd time: A lá peaceful melody)
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't hesitate
no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is your's!

======END OF LYRICS======

Glenn's comment:
when is first heard this song, i thought that it was crappy. a person that I knew was singing this, and I thought that it was kinda stupid. but months later, when i forgot about that incident, i was re-acquainted with the song, and i realized that it actually has meaning. anyway, the melody is good. simple, yet catchy. moreover, the meaning is quite obvious. so, no need to blabber about it.

Things to do on an Exam

50 THINGS TO DO ON A EXAM, WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOING TO
FAIL IT ANYWAY

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15
minutes. Wake up, say “oh nuts, better get cracking” and do some
gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming “Andre, Andre, I’ve got the
secret documents!!”

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long
answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the
integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor’s
left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate
your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, “I’m
SOOO sure you can hear me thinking.” Then start talking about what a jerk
the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly
say to the instructor, “I don’t understand ANY of this. I’ve been to
every lecture all semester long! What’s the deal? And who are
you? Where’s the regular guy?”

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc…). Play with the volume at max
level.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to
refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this
question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be
creative.

10. Bring pets.

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of
relief. Go to the instructor, say “They’ve found me, I have to leave the
country” and run off.

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into
very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out “Merry
Christmas.” If you’re really daring, ask for another copy of the exam.
Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your
head, and nothing else.

15. Come down with a BAD case of gagging and coughing. Be as vulgar as
possible.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don’t know one, make
one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he’s not looking.
Blame it on the person nearest to you.

18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be
taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let
them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of
the profits if they are allowed to stay.

20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to
another seat, continue with the exam.

21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out,
start commenting on how easy it was.

22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If
it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE.
etc..).

23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers
completely blacked out.

24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down
violently, scream out “Forget this!” and walk out triumphantly.

25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the
instructor that whether or not everyone’s done, they are all leaving
after one hour to go drink)

26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point
during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why,
tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, “the light bulb that goes on
above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!”

28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put
on a white mask and start yelling “I’m here, the phantom of the opera”
until they drag you away.

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the
class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged.
Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take
the exam.

31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say
“you don’t really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our
Lives is on!!!”

32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to "Game K N B?". Ignore
the instructor’s requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to
leave one way or another, look seriously at the class and say "I Shall Return".

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you
could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most
equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life
story.

36. Come in wearing a full knight’s outfit, complete with sword and
shield.

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the
exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious…
like history notes for a calculus exam… otherwise you’re not just
failing, you’re getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with
the comment “Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit.”

39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Fake a faint.

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any
question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

41. One word: Wrestlemania.

42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they
do before concerts start.

43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you.
Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. (editor’s note: NOT!)

46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc… sent
to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs,
anything you can reach.

48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90
degree angle.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are
asked to stop, say “it helps me think.” Bring a copy of the Student Handbook
with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical
instruments during finals. Don’t forget to use the phrase “Told you so”.

50. Answer the exam with the “Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Stinks”

(*SOURCE: A Chain Mail)

Funny New Words

Reader's Digest claims that these words should be in the English dictionary coz a lot of them are actually useful. Here, take a look:

anecdultery (an nek dul tah ree) n.
The moment when you are halfway through telling someone a story - acting in the know and exxagerating like crazy - when you realize it was their story in the first place.
[also communitake, theminiscing]

binfidel (bin' fid elle) n.
A person who sneaks his rubbish into your bin once it's been put out on the kerb, so there's never any space for your last forgotten bag.
[also binfilltrator, coup d'etatrash]

buckstop (buhk' stop) n.
The space between the person using the ATM and the first person in queue behind them.
[also PINcushion, dough man's land]

cosmetic perjury (koz met ik' pur jah ree) n.
The tactful response required when you meet an acquaintance who has proudly changed their hair, face, or body in a failed attempt to improve their appearance.
[also fakelift, umdiscretion]

edgehog (edj' hog) n.
A train or bus passenger who hogs the aisle seat so you have to climb over them to get to a vacant spot.
[also yobstacle, AisleBeRightMate]

eyesberg (eyz' burg) n.
The icy look a teenage boy gives his mother when he wants her to stop talking to his girlfriend.
[also off-peek, frigidglare]

hope couture (howp' ku toor) n.
The item of clothing you keep for years in the vain hope you might fit back into it someday.
[also wish-fits, martin-luthers, as in "i have a dream...]

lovestuck (luhv' stuk) n.
The moment on a first date when both people want to make a move but are scared of getting a knockback, and as a result, nothing happens.
[also pre-sensual tension, ankissipation]

flaparazzi (fla pah' rah tzee) n.
Someone who is always in the background of a live news report, waving stupidly at the camera.
[also telepathetic, vextra, eyejacker]

knack-nicker (nak nik ah) n.
Someone who can't leave a hotel room without taking every tea bag, sugar sachet, complimentary shampoo, etc.
[also artful lodger, kleptomarriott]

tearerist (te rah' ryst) n.
A person in the cinema who seems to take ages to unwrap their sweets or open their chips, then eats then one by one, oblivious to the noise.
[also tornmenter, weapon of mass distraction]

piece de resistance (pees' d re zis tonts) n.
The last bit of food left on a plate because everyone wants to be polite.
[also gluttanot, remorsel]

moanotone (mown o' toen) n.
The faltering voice you use when you ring work to tell them you're sick.
[also arggghccent, phleghbellishment]

shinterjection (shin' tah jek shun) n.
As a dinner party, the sharp kick under the table you give your partner to indicate that whatever it is they are saying, they must stop saying it right now.
[also shin dig, toed rage]

tortune (tor' tyoon) n.
A catchy yet awful song that you just can't get out of your head, even after hearing it played just once.
[also ABBAration]

suffermore (suf ah' moor) n.
A person who is always sicker or worse off than you. If you say you are a bit tired, they are exhausted. If you are snowed under, they tell you to try it with six kids. And when someone runs up the back of your car, it's nothing compared to the accident they had in the summer of 1984.
[also hurtuoso, sickophant]

veriflycation (veri fly kay' shun) n.
that involuntary movement of checking the fly made by all men as they re-enter a public place after leaving the bathroom.
[also heflex action]

(*SOURCE: Reader's Digest)

GLENN'S COMMENTS:
hehe, the word i like most is "suffermore" coz i know some people, actually some of my classmates, are like that. no offense...

Ten Commandments of Love

1. Though shalt not hug, hold hands or smooch except in private.
2. Thou shalt not lie to thy sweetheart unless it is necessary.
3. Girls – Thou shalt take pity on your parents and not Yakity-Tak with your boy friends all night on the phone.
4. Boys – Thou shalt not ask a girl for a kiss but take it.
5. Girls – Thou shalt not have more than one boy friend, even thou can get away with it.
6. Boys – Thou shalt be nice to your girl’s kid brother or sister.
7. Girls – Thou shalt be extra sweet to your boy friend at Christmas time, Valentine’s Day and your birthday.
8. Boys – Thou shalt not flirt with other girls when your gal is with you. She won’t like it.
9. Girls – Thou shalt flatter the boys, this really pays off.
10. Boys – Thou shalt know the girls love for yourself alone, so save your money, let her pay for everything and see what happens.

(*SOURCE: Mga Palaisipang Pilipino Blg. 14)

Card I Never Gave

Dear Teachers,
A teacher is someone who takes your hand, opens your mind, and touches your heart.
The true aim of everyone who aspires to be a teacher should be not to impart his own opinions but to kindle minds.
The greatest lesson a teacher can give is to teach a child to love himself.

Dear Mom & Dad,
The best thing you can give your children, next to good values, are good memories.
Houses are but walls and beams;
Homes are built of love and dreams.
Houses are made of wood and stone
But only love can make a home.
Thanks for the sunshine you've brought into my life.

Dear Friend,
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
For mem'ry has painted this perfect day
With colors that never fade,
And we find at the end of a perfect day
The souls of the friends we've made.
The most valuable things in life are not measured in monetary terms. The really important things are not houses and lands, stocks and bonds, automobiles and real estate, but friendships, trust, confidence, empathy, mercy, love and faith.
Forsake not an old friend; for the new is not comparable to him: a new friend is as new wine; when it is old, thou shalt drink it with pleasure.

Dear Me,
It is almost impossible to smile on the outside without feeling better on the inside.
If you can't be a highway,
Be a trail.
If you can't be the sun,
Be a star.
It's not by size
That you win or fail;
Be the best of what you are.
It is one of the most wonderful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to be kind to another, without helping himself

Computer Jokes #1

Undocumented Windows Error Codes
The following is a list of undocumented Windows error codes which
somehow got overlooked when printing the documentation.

WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger
WinErr 002: No Error - Yet
WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
WinErr 004: Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong
WinErr 005: Multitasking attempted - System confused
WinErr 006: Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
WinErr 007: System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware
WinErr 008: Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
WinErr 009: Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
WinErr 00A: Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
WinErr 00B: Inadequate disk space - Free at least 50MB
WinErr 00C: Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
WinErr 00D: Window closed - Do not look outside
WinErr 00E: Window open - Do not look inside
WinErr 00F: Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
WinErr 010: Reserved for future mistakes by our developers
WinErr 011: Window open - Do not look outside
WinErr 012: Window closed - Do not look inside
WinErr 013: Unexpected error - Huh ?
WinErr 014: Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.
WinErr 018: Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed. Buy a new one. Old Windows license is not valid anymore
WinErr 019: User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!
WinErr 01A: Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry.
WinErr 01B: Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that.
WinErr 01C: Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.
WinErr 01D: System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.
WinErr 01E: Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
WinErr 01F: Reserved for future mistakes of our developers.
WinErr 020: Error recording error codes - Additional errors will be lost.
WinErr 042: Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos-box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.
WinErr 079: Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.
WinErr 103: Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Additional errors may not be displayed or recorded.
WinErr 678: This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
WinErr 683: Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure.
WinErr 815: Insufficient Memory - Only 50,312,583 Bytes available

(SOURCE: http://www.computerjokes.net)